What is Mommy Burnout?
Mommy burnout, also knows as maternal burnout syndrome or motherhood burnout, is a state of exhaustion linked to the mental, physical and emotional stress and overload that a mother experiences, especially new mothers or mothers of infants and toddlers.
They say “It takes a village to raise a child, ” which couldn’t be truer. The statement is a famous old African proverb. But be it Africans, Indians or Native Americans, all communities of the world understand the importance of a good support system for new moms.
Luckily for us in India, the culture and family traditions are proof of a robust support group. The birth of a child unites many family members. If managed right, this can aid new moms very well.
Why is it important for new moms to seek help?
Hollywood actor Ryan Reynolds, when asked about his personal experience post the birth of his child, passed this sound advice to husbands across the world.
“A human being will exit your wife, so she’s done enough. Just change the diapers.”
The process of delivering a baby is exhausting in itself, no matter which procedure you choose. The body needs time to heal and to recover lost strength, especially in the first few months after birth.
Feeding the child, putting babies to sleep, changing diapers, and other childcare tasks take up most of the new mom’s time. She barely has time for herself. Moreover, she needs rest; a lot of it.
How to avoid mommy burnout? With so much on their plate, it is practically impossible for new moms to undertake the usual household responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, washing and tidying. While some women may have no choice but to handle these along with a newborn, almost all of them would be glad if they had several helping hands.
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Effects on physical health
A new mom’s body is in the process of recovering. Nursing the baby is quite exhausting and lack of sleep does not help her at all. The body may be recently deficient in certain nutrients and hence, a good diet is recommended. Back pain, leg pain or pelvic pain may occur and doctors often advise new moms against strenuous physical activity.
Household chores may require long hours of standing, bending, lifting things or climbing stairs. This takes a toll on the mom’s physical well-being. She also ends up spending less time with her baby. While many moms do undertake a lot of household tasks, they also try to overachieve. Wanting to do too many things, with perfection, results in the mother feeling perpetually exhausted, physically as well as mentally- a condition known as maternal burnout or exhausted mother syndrome.
Effects on mental health
A mother is born only when a baby is born. A new mom needs time and patience to form a bond with her child and to understand the baby’s needs. Most new moms are constantly worried about whether they are doing everything right. The baby automatically becomes a priority and anything that keeps them away from the child may cause irritability.
Postpartum depression, anxiety and post-natal PTSD cases are quite common. If family members do not take work pressure off the new mother, it can lead to anger or interpersonal problems at home.
Moms that get no rest or are suffering from lack of sleep and lack of personal time may also feel resentment towards the newborn, being the reason for their discomfort. This is a serious consequence of maternal burnout; one that can have lasting effects on the mind of the mother and also of the child in later life.
Also read
10 Worst Habits That Directly Affect Mental Health
Motherhood and Self-doubt: When You Don’t Think You’re Good Enough
Maternal Mental Health-Bursting the Myths
How can new moms avoid mommy burnout and seek help?
The best advice for new moms-
Take a deep breath and relax. Have faith on yourself. Focus on your baby. Others can handle the rest.
Here are a few pointers for you to help you avoid maternal burnout or the burnout you experience as a mother –
Reach out to family members
Have family members come live with you even before you give birth. This way you can set a routine and divide household responsibilities amongst yourselves. Once the baby arrives, there will be less chaos and things will get done on time.
Usually, in India, if you are living in a joint family, you already have several family members to help you. But if you are living in a nuclear family or if you are a single mom, it is best to have your parents, in-laws or siblings around. They can help by cooking meals, driving you to doctor visits, taking care of the older child (if there is one) or buying utilities for the house.
Hire domestic help
Once the baby arrives, there is a lot more to do than usual chores. Additional washing of baby clothes, separate cleaning of the baby’s room, sterilizing feeding bottles, preparing baby food and other tasks are added to your routine. Hiring paid help for cooking, cleaning, tidying the house, running errands or looking after the pet, will largely reduce pressure on you.
Get in touch with friends and colleagues
All new moms benefit greatly from some personal time. Not seeing your friends or colleagues, or a maternity leave keeping you away from work you love can make you feel low. You can always ask a friend or colleague to drop by for a chat when they have time.
Today, almost everything can get delivered to your doorstep. But if they offer to help, you can also request friends or neighbours to run simple errands like buying medicines or driving you somewhere.
Connect with other moms
Other moms can best empathize with your situation. Connecting with other new moms or even slightly experienced ones can make you feel better. This is a good way to resolve doubts, discuss your emotional state or simply have a nice time. You can also join new mom exercise classes, baby activity clubs or just go for walks with other mommies.
In a nutshell
It is natural for new moms to feel anxious, overwhelmed and tired. But it is not okay to let them fend for themselves and handle it all alone.
As women, we are constantly trying to prove ourselves. But your baby doesn’t need that. The baby needs a strong, well-rested mom who is happy, healthy and positive towards all the big changes in her life.
So don’t hesitate. Just designate!
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