Somewhere between homework and working from home, we all grew up
Working from home is an ideal scenario for all parents. We believe that it’s easy to manage work while also taking care of children. We think of working from home as a win-win situation. But only if it is as easy as it sounds.
Working from home brings its own challenges. Some days are like a smooth sail and some are like climbing a rocky mountain. It is a dream come true especially for moms who want to be both be home with their kids and earn an income as well.
But once you’re elbow-deep in the chaotic mix of running a business or meeting your targets and also raising a family, you may discover that there are a few challenges to working from home that more than often go untold and unnoticed. Most of the time many mothers ignore them and don’t talk about them as they are believed to be the usual “side-effects” of working from home.
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These are the four most common challenges I face working from home and how I tackle them
i) Guilt. A long trip with no point of return.
Oh, I can go an and on about mom guilt of a working mother. I definitely don’t need to preach you about the mom guilt — It’s perpetual and we all experience it in some way or another. Even if multitasking is our motto, working from home as a parent often feels like falling behind in both.
There is a little voice in my head that screams: “What should I cook for lunch? Why’s so much dust under the rug? THere’s laundry that needs folding!” I try so hard to explain that I’m working all day, but that voice doesn’t leave me alone – “Work is when you dress up and go inside a big building with people in it and sit in a 6 x 6 cubicle.”
Just for the record, stay-at-home moms are estimated to put in a 40-hour workweek and 52 hours of overtime.
Guilt runs deep if there’s so much work to do and sometimes at odd hours and kids are in the house. My heart breaks thinking of the times my kids watched TV(guilty as charged!) while I had my back turned to them, drafting an urgent email or attending a conference call. Or when my daughter wanted to talk to me about her banter with her friends and I asked her to wait because I was in the middle of a negotiation.
You might also feel the need to overcompensate when you are exceeding your goals and doing exceptionally good at work. It’s easy to forget that in offices, people take lunches and coffee breaks too and that these things are not only okay but also necessary.
Working from home comes packaged with all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ a parent can possibly imagine. There are thoughts I guarantee never enter our heads at the office. For example, I should respond to every email within 15 seconds so everyone knows I’m working or I should not take a five-minute break to put the laundry in.
Having a work schedule and sticking to it helps me managing my work better. I prioritise every day’s to-do list. Prepping for the next meal in advance speeds up my cooking time. Fixing 2 days for laundry stops me from thinking about it every day. Also, I take a lot of help from my husband and ask him to step in whenever and however he can, depending upon his work schedule.
ii) Always working. Always!
When you work from home, you tend to work all the time and everywhere. No, I meant it. It’s incredibly difficult to draw boundaries between your personal space and workspace, and the same goes for your time.
You’ve probably worked in the kitchen.
Taken conference calls in the preschool parking lot.
Typed emails in the grocery store and during dinner, checked email in the middle of the night — and maybe in the bathroom.
You are always available!
I still remember that night when while putting my 4-years-old son to sleep he said, “Mumma, you have no time to play with me.” One night my 8 years old daughter said at bedtime, “Mumma, I miss you so much every day. Why can’t we have family time like before?” That was an eyeopener for me.
When my kids said those things, I realised that I was taking them for granted because working from home obviously meant that I am with them always. But that wasn’t the case apparently.
Therefore, it became crucial for me to create realistic boundaries. I also informed my husband in advance regarding an important meeting and if he needs to fill in for me at home someday. I started doing some things effortfully and consciously. For example, stashing the phone and computer away when having meals, when playing or reading with the kids or putting them to bed. I designated times when I am going to be offline, barring an emergency or a deadline.
iii) Isolation. The lonely road.
Working from home can be surprisingly isolating. Staring at the computer screen for hours at a stretch and maybe, at the walls while thinking can make us feel lonely. Some days, it may be possible to have not spoken to a single human. Despite a ton of work correspondence and other “humanlike” contact like scrolling through Facebook and texting friends to catch up, you may still feel isolated.
When I feel isolated I call my family or a friend, even if it’s a 2-minute call. With new technology, video calls have made it even better. DIstances don’t feel like distances. Technology has enabled and empowered everybody to reduce isolation.
In the olden days of normalcy, I’d catch the first opportunity of meeting my friends outside somewhere for a coffee or a quick bite once every few days. Now I do away with a call. Something is better than nothing, right?
Because of this isolation, self-neglect comes easy.
Does any of this sound familiar?
- You’ve worn the same sweatpants for the past week.
- Your only accessories are slippers.
- You’re up until after midnight catching up on work. Every night.
- You can’t remember the last time you washed your hair.
- You use a five-year-old photo for your social media profiles.
Stop neglecting yourself, and start prioritising your needs and wants too. Think about yourself and don’t be ashamed of it. You’re worthy of that haircut, manicure or one hour of extra sleep. You’re certainly worthy of that medical checkup you’ve been putting off. If you feel bad about taking time for yourself or feel like there’s not enough time, start by taking baby steps.
iv) Identity. Work. Work. Work.
Though working from home is possible, practical and rewarding, it also requires utmost discipline and self-awareness to ensure that our work works for us.
You’ve probably worked in pajamas or didn’t bother to change in work clothes. Maybe, one fine morning you thought that I’m just gonna power through and get this thing done, and then I’ll do some power yoga and feel spiritually whole again. Except that you look at the clock and it’s already time to cook a meal or pick the kids up in five minutes.
As a result, the significance of the day’s activities doesn’t really sink in in the same way as it would in a more traditional office-like environment. Our sense of professional identities is often tied to an office, a cubicle, colleagues and even work clothes.
In the absence of all of that, I have found that it’s very important to retain hobbies, interests, and stay socially connected to avoid feeling like an untethered balloon. Well, honestly, it isn’t as easy as it sounds in between deadlines, dishes, tantrums and diapers.
Remember… you’re not a superhuman or a godlike creature. But the more you recognize and work consciously to prevent the challenges of working from home, the happier you, your family and your work will be.
Have you faced any challenges working from home? How do you handle it?
