Father’s Day in 2020 will be very special. It’s the year of the lockdown and we won’t be venturing out anywhere. A small celebration at home and making memories will be the agenda. Now is the perfect time to write about Sumit, my husband and the father of our kids, who evolved beautifully into a father.
Our little Miss D will turn eight years and RD will turn four years in a few days. Yes, both of our kids are born in the same month, which seems like a cosmic conspiracy to me. Same month and same date too – really?
The most special thing about my kids’ birthday in 2020 is that Miss D will be exactly the double of RD’s age, eight and four respectively. This will be the first and the last time that something like this will happen.
To top it all, it is merely a coincidence that their birthdays fall within the same week as Father’s Day. Now, really?? I was the one carrying both of them and the universe conspired to bring them around Father’s Day. If only, I could change that.
Unlike my first pregnancy, my second pregnancy experience was not-so-joyful. I had complications and I was on medication throughout. This time around Sumig was on his feet and was always ready to take on his role. His experience with Miss D made him more confident, empathetic and understanding. He was handling baby RD with utmost love and care. He wasn’t scared anymore.
Rewinding eight years, my first pregnancy was like a breeze. I felt great and I was happy and peaceful. Both of us were very calm until the very day Miss D was born.
I became a mother when I conceived, but Sumit actually became a father on the day our daughter was born. That brought a major change and a massive paradigm shift in his life too.
Within the first 30 days of fatherhood, Sumit was back to work. I was sleep-deprived, tired and turned into a milking machine, quite literally. As much as I was prepared and was already hands-on taking care of Miss D, I hoped the same with Sumit but he could not offer any help except for trips to doctor, buying household essentials and baby care stuff.
There was also a hidden fear in his heart – like every new father he was also scared to hold Miss D in his arms. He would just make an excuse whenever I told him to pick her. We were both learning on-the-job and his learning was slightly delayed. Maybe he was too busy with work at that time and still trying to figure out the head and tail of the whole fatherhood thing.
In the next 90 days and by the time Miss D had turned three months, I could see him bonding with her. He had started burping her, soothing her, giving her medicines and also changing her clothes & diaper. He never felt uncomfortable while cleaning her vomit or poop and never complained.
Whenever I panicked, he came to rescue and took charge. He was still trying to strike a balance between home and work. I was happily watching him progressing with fatherhood.
I was out of work for almost a year and I was itching to do something to make my time at home more worthwhile. While Miss D took most of my time, I was still fixated on the idea of doing something that could help me use my free time productively and also make some money. I decided to take baking classes.
The class would last until late afternoon and I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to leave Miss D back at home with Sumit. I still did not trust him. He never showed I could. I decided to wait for another 120 days to take the next step and by then Miss D would have turned 6 months too. All this while, Sumit was trying to make most of his time with Miss D. As for me, nothing had changed. (But this one is not about me, anyway!)
We were halfway through; Miss D had turned six months and Sumit’s 182 days of fatherhood went by swiftly. Sumit was stepping up. He was more confident and experienced in how he approached Miss D’s needs but was still not able to strike a better balance between work and family.
Six months later Sumit had become more attached to her; he had started massaging her, bathing her and putting her to sleep as well. He was not only bonding with Miss D but also developing trust and love between them.
I could see him spending more time with her, enjoying babbling with her, showing her things out of the window, playing along with her toys, and taking funny pictures together. He started missing her after she had gone to sleep or when he was travelling. He was head over heels for her.
Then it was time to introduce solids to Miss D in her 6th and 7th month, and I was massively relieved. Finally, the time had come to wean her and I could get some more time to myself. He was very excited about her trying new tastes and flavours. In the next 62 days, Sumit made numerous trips to the supermarket to buy nibbles for her darling daughter trying to figure out her likes and dislikes.
Little did he know that his daughter is fonder of home-cooked food! He hadn’t started feeding her food yet because we were still trying to understand her taste and likes/dislikes. Although, feeding her made him nervous.
In the next 60 days, he became more sensitised towards her. During Miss D’s 8th and 9th month, Sumit started realising that bringing up his baby requires more time, patience and a lot more attention than before. He was gaining more confidence in understanding what Miss D’s cries are trying to tell.
During this time we figured out our roles and had a clear understanding of it. Miss D has started sitting, crawling and was becoming more responsive. Her chuckles were loud and giggles made us laugh too.
During the next 61 days of fatherhood, it was probably hard for him to remember what life was like without Miss D! In the 10th and 11th month, Miss D was trying to cruise and walk with support. It was an exciting time for both of us as she was learning to walk and was speaking a few words.
He understood his priorities and started working towards having a balanced work-life equation. Miss D was cruising all over the home and that required keeping a closer eye on her. I have to admit that he was more vigilant and cautious than I was. I began to trust him and his instincts more than ever.
Sumit was clearly breaking the stereotype during those two months. He was becoming an emotionally supportive father and for him being with Miss D was becoming much more than the “family need”. By spending more time with her, he wanted to bond strongly with her.
He was feeding her, taking her for a walk, listening to music with her, teaching her dance moves, high fives & handshakes and doing silly things with her. However, he was still not able to find a work-life balance and that was completely eating me up as we couldn’t find any time for ourselves. Our days and nights revolved only around Miss D.
It was time for Miss D’s first birthday. In these 30 days, Sumit learnt to make his family life more meaningful. He completely evolved from a ‘man’ to an extremely caring and loving ‘father’. Miss D became his world.
There is nothing in this world that he would not do for her. He started giving us more time than before. He became more tolerant and open to learning new things and most importantly, overcame the year-long phase of “uncertainty”.
There is no greater contribution that a man can make than preparing his children to find their way in the world. In the first 365 days of his fatherhood, Sumit went through many emotional changes; the most profound being discovering himself and evolving as a Father – a Father whom I love evermore and I am so proud of!
. 
Like it? Share it! Leave a comment below
