The tween years can be some of the most challenging for kids when it comes to self-esteem and body image issues. As kids go through puberty, their bodies change rapidly in ways that can feel uncomfortable or embarrassing. Add to that increasing peer pressure, social media influence, and raging hormones – and it’s a perfect storm for developing insecurities.
I have a tween daughter and I’ve seen firsthand how this stage can take a toll on confidence and self-perception. It breaks my heart to see her start to pick herself apart over things I know will sort themselves out with time. The way she scrutinizes her appearance in the mirror or makes self-critical comments is heartbreaking for me as a parent.
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As much as I want to tell her she’s perfect just the way she is, I know simple reassurance isn’t enough. Kids this age often feel like they’re the only ones going through this awkward phase, even when all their friends are dealing with similar body changes and emotions. Tweens need constant reminders that what they’re experiencing is totally normal.
As parents, we must take a proactive approach to instilling body confidence and high self-worth in our tweens during these formative years. If left unchecked, poor body image can lead to disordered eating, depression, anxiety, and other destructive behaviors down the line.
So, how can we empower our tweens to feel great about themselves inside and out? Here are some key strategies.
Model Confidence Yourself
As parents, we need to walk the talk. Work on reframing your self-talk, practicing self-care, and modeling body neutrality. Our children will pick up on our cues, making it vital we exemplify the mindsets we hope to instill. As parents, it’s so important we model body positivity and self-acceptance. Our kids soak up our attitudes about our bodies and appearances. If we’re always degrading ourselves or obsessing over insignificant flaws, they’ll learn to do the same. We have to be the ambassadors of confidence we want them to embody.
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Praise Character Over Looks
It’s tempting to compliment our kids on their outward appearance, but that reinforces the message that their value is tied to their looks. Instead, praise qualities like kindness, intelligence, creativity, determination, and integrity. “You’re such a good friend for supporting Jessica today” or “I’m proud of your hard work on that science project” – these are the affirmations that bolster inner confidence.
Ditch The ‘Fat’ Talk
Whether it’s lamenting your own body out loud or making negative comments about others’ weight, “fat” talk plants dangerous seeds about worth being tied to a dress size. Avoid these comments like the plague and model body neutrality at home. If you’re working on your body image issues, get help so you don’t pass them on to your kids.
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Make Your Home A Safe Body-Positive Space
Declare a zero-tolerance policy for body shaming of any kind – this includes shutting down siblings who poke fun at changing bodies. Protect your tween’s self-esteem by making your home an unconditionally accepting, judgment-free zone when it comes to appearances.
Be Media Literate
Educate your tweens about how images in media are digitally altered and Photoshopped to promote unrealistic body ideals. Develop their critical thinking by pointing out these enhancements when you see them. Diversifying the images they see by following body-positive social accounts can help provide a reality check.
Promote Physical Empowerment
Rather than focusing on weight, emphasize what their amazing bodies can do. Encourage physical activities they enjoy whether that’s sports, dance, martial arts, hiking, climbing, etc. Feeling strong and capable in their bodies breeds confidence.
Avoid Weigh-Ins
Don’t bring attention to weights or Body Mass Index numbers – these can become unhealthy fixations. Unless there are medical reasons, it’s best to leave weigh-ins at doctor checkups. Ensure you never use shame or critique your child’s shape or size.
Teach Media Literacy
Countless studies have linked higher social media use with increased body dissatisfaction in tweens. Empower your kids to view Photoshopped images with skepticism. Follow body-positive accounts to expose your children to diverse body types and promote self-acceptance.
Shift The Conversation
If your tween makes a negative comment about their body, don’t reinforce it. Instead, shift the focus: “I know, growing up can be tough, but your value has nothing to do with how you look. You’re funny, smart and such a great friend – that’s what really matters.”
Have Open Dialogues
Take every opportunity to have proactive discussions around body positivity, media messaging, and cultivating a healthy self-image. Normalize conversations that reassure kids that their worth is inherent, not tied to their appearance.
Bottom line…
The path to true self-assurance is an ongoing process – there’s no overnight fix. But by chipping away at societal beauty myths and diet culture toxicity, we can raise a generation of tweens who base their self-worth on what’s within. With continual reinforcement of these body-positive principles at home, the goal is for our kids to feel emboldened, unashamed, and unconditionally acceptable exactly as they are.
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