There’s so much more to bedtime than tucking the kids, closing the door and hoping that the kids fall asleep.
I am a mother of two kids and bedtime with them is the time I feel our deep connection. I find bedtime as a great opportunity to talk about anything they want.
According to a study, children open up their deepest questions and concerns just before they transition into sleep. This occurs when they are at their most safe and relaxed state.
In general, children are capable of entering the Alpha state must faster than adults because of their ability to switch off from daily events. That is why – you may notice this as a parent of a young child – that deeper and more meaningful observations, questions, fears, and revelations start to pour out during the bedtime. This is because the mind of your kid is resting and it’s not distracted by the surroundings.
Even though developing independent sleep habits is important right from a young age, it’s also important to have a little “pillow talk” every night. Whether it is helping them figure life out or providing your unconditional support, you are preparing them for great adult life.
There’s nothing wrong with “shut the door” and “self-soothing” method of making your young kids asleep. However, if you are not giving some of your time to them during the bedtime, how else will you really know what kind of thoughts dominate and lurk behind their emotional concerns or even revelations such as “Mama, I really liked the way I painted today. I never thought I could do it!” or “If we eat all day will our tummy burst?” or “I am not feeling happy about my classes anymore.”
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Every night I try to talk to my kids about a few things in a way that it makes them open and identify their innermost feelings. Some nights I take to them for 20-30 minutes after tucking them and some other nights I make it quick especially when I or kids have had a tiring day. This is also a great approach to positive parenting.
5 This That You Must Talk With Your Children About At Bedtime
1. Ask them about their day
It’s important to know what your child is thinking and facing on a day to day basis; be it in school or at home with siblings. It’s hard to determine if there is something or someone bothering her, is there something he/she likes to share but is scared or hesitates? Bedtime talk allows you to dig deeper and understand your child in a better way.
“How was your day at school, D?” “It was good, mumma! We had a dance class today and we danced on Cheap Thrills.” This is just an example of how I start the conversation with Miss D to know about her day at school and what all did she do.
At night when I ask this again, the answer changes. The conversation gets shifted to her activities, friends and playground games. This gives me a chance to know more about her friends, her likes and dislikes, what annoys her, etc.
2. I am so proud of you
“You know what, I am so proud of you because you are very confident and always share everything with mumma and papa.” Every child likes if his/her efforts are recognised and appreciated, however small it may be. If your child is an introvert, then, getting him to share his feelings and emotions is challenging but you know the joy when your child opens up with you.
So, tell your child how proud you are!
3. Highlight two good things your kid did that day
Appreciating good behaviour of your kids goes a long way in building good character. Some examples of what you can say to your child and appraise them.
“I saw you helping Ahaan today. That was so nice of you.”
“I saw you shared your water bottle with your friends. I am so happy you did.”
“I really liked the way you spoke to the aunty today. I am so proud of you.”
“I feel so happy when you help mumma and papa. You’re a good baby.”
4. Subtly talk about one thing your child should not have done or could have done better that day
Pick that one thing or behaviour that you thought your kid should not have done or could have done better. Talking subtly about misbehaviour by your child will help him in understanding the difference between good and bad behaviour.
However, don’t be direct, or start blaming your child. This will only stop him from talking about it further and it’ll make him afraid of you. It’s easy to talk during the night because your child is also in that frame of mind when he/she is ready to actually listen to you. Talking about it at bedtime in a gentle manner will give your child time to process whatever you tell him, which otherwise seems difficult during the day time.
This can also be done by telling bedtime stories or sharing real-life incidents as an example. Your child will be able to understand that you are not punishing him.
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5. I Love You
Last but not the least, don’t forget to say “I Love You” to your child. I say I love you to my children first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, alongwith saying it numerous times in a day. We all know how good it feels when we say it and when kids hear it. It just emphasises the fact that they are loved always. It also makes them expressive about their feelings and emotions.
If your child hesitates in sharing or talking to you then you have to make changes. Remember that it all starts with you opening up with your child. Talking about your day or how you felt about something shows the kids how easily and comfortably they can share things with you as their parent and also as a friend.
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